educational conspiracies

Last night Ben Folds played in Wait Chapel.

Just let that sink in for a second. Ben Folds, one of my favorite artists of all time, played at Wait Chapel, the focal point of my chosen university. Sounds amazing, right? Sounds like I’m the luckiest girl in the world, right? WRONG. Why wrong? BECAUSE I’M NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE IS WHY.

Forgive me for getting a little live journal-y right now, but I must say I am pissed. Just a little thing called I SUGGESTED THIS CONCERT FOUR YEARS AGO. Yeah, that’s right. Before the overwhelming laziness of college set in halfway through my freshman year, I was actually a member of our Student Union. And my one contribution was to suggest that we bring Ben Folds to Wake. My suggestion was duly noted and then, apparently, put on hold until they were sure I had graduated and left the state for good.

If they were looking for bands I didn’t want to come until after I graduated, I would have suggested bringing Blues Traveler. That’s why I DIDN’T suggest bringing Blues Traveler. How Blues Traveler ended up being the ‘big act band’ my freshman year is beyond me. I’m not taking credit for that bright idea.

So to make a long story slightly shorter, I’ve come to the conclusion that Wake is involved in an educational conspiracy. It is one that has followed me all the way through my formal education. Skeptical? Well listen to this. The year after I left elementary school, we finally raised enough money for a new auditorium. The year after I left middle school, they started building a brand new gym. The year after I graduated high school, the athletic department finally decided to form the volleyball team I had been petitioning for for three years. And now this!?!

In conclusion, I have decided never to go to grad school. Because I know the year after I graduate the US educational system will decide to give everyone graduate degrees ‘just for the hell of it.’ At which point I will most certainly become clinically insane and start throwing my own poop at people.

THE END.